I've herd a few stories from other people at work about troubles with pets who won't stop licking themselves. If you think training an animal to sit is difficult, try getting them to stop self-gratifying in front of you.
Despite the fact that I have herd several stories, I honestly think that my cat is the weirdest. When we first got him he started. He would come up and sit on my lap, or my boyfriend's, and promptly start licking his penis. We tried to punish him for a little while, but it didn't work (of course). We also tried picking him up and putting him elsewhere. The funny thing is, if he is not sitting on one of our laps, or at least in very close proximity he won't do it. For instance if he is on the bed licking himself and I get up and leave the room he promptly stops, and follows me, then will sit on my lap once I sit down again, then continues! Once he reached 6 months old we thought that getting him neutered would help. We were planning on doing it regardless, but figured that would be an added bonus. It didn't even slow him down for a day. The moment he came home he started again.
"Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten."
So what happens when a kitten masturbates?